Decision
by PrincessFerdinand
Summary: Edward's decision to let Bella see Jacob in Eclipse.
1. Chapter 1

**Yup. I finally rewrote this chapter to include Carlisle. Do disregard the author's note in Chapter 3.**

_You know, Edward, _Emmett's thoughts commented as he devoured the deer carcass he was hunched over, _if you're going to be like this all weekend, we might as well just go home early_.

"Like what?" I asked him, though I knew already.

_You know what. Worried to death about Bella. She survived for seventeen years without you, she can survive for two days without you now._

"Yes, and that was a miracle," I muttered, and I saw Jasper's brow furrow.

_And you wonder why Rose calls you "overprotective"? _Emmett thought.

"Shut up," I growled, lunging at him playfully. He gracefully dodged me, so I landed on the ground. He guffawed while I haughtily got up and dusted myself off.

I suddenly focused on Jasper's perturbed thoughts:_ Is it really so hard to actually speak?_

"Emmett was just complaining about my lack of enthusiasm," I explained.

Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Edward, seriously, though," said Emmett, not sounding at all serious. "You are one overprotective boyfriend. Maybe that's why she won't marry you." He shot a look at Jasper, and added, "And be happy, Jasper, that I'm speaking aloud this time."

_Besides, do you see Emmett and I pining for Rosalie or Alice? _thought Jasper.

"It's different," I insisted. "For one, you've known Alice for almost eighty years, and she's a vampire, who can take care of herself. Unlike Bella. And don't you think that's a little hypocritical? To not be speaking out loud, after just complaining about Emmett?"

_Don't change the subject, _Jasper thought, just before being jumped by Emmett.

While they rolled around on the ground, Carlisle, who had been just a few hundred yards away, appeared.

"They're right, you know," Carlisle said. "I can't imagine Bella appreciates being..._locked up _like this."

"But Carlisle," I protested, while Jasper soundly beat Emmett in their wrestling match, "What do you think she would rather be? Bored, frustrated - but safe - or _dead_, at the hands of her so-called best friend?"

Carlisle sighed. _It was only a matter of time before Jacob came up._

"How could a conversation about Bella's safety not involve a werewolf?" I questioned. "Werewolves are dangerous. That means Jacob could hurt Bella. Why can she not _see_ that?"

Carlisle shook his head. _No, Edward. Just because Jacob is a werewolf does _not_ mean that he will hurt her. Just because _you_ are a vampire, does that mean _you_ will hurt her?_

"Probably," I answered. I knew it was true. It _was_ only a matter of time before she was hurt, seriously hurt, directly by my own hands.

_But why are you willing to give yourself that chance, and not Jacob? _Carlisle thought, annoyingly nonprejudiced.

This quality of Carlisle's, how he could put everyone equally in his mind, cast away all his prejudices to see the person themselves...it was very annoying sometimes. In order to answer his question, you always had to put yourself down to the level of your enemy.

I didn't answer Carlisle. Jacob was a werewolf. Bella was in danger every time she saw him. Jacob was a werewolf. Bella was in danger. And I could not _stand _to have Bella in danger. Why could nobody see that but me? Jacob was a werewolf. Bella was in danger. I repeated the words to myself, trying to see the truth I _knew _was there. It _had_ to be there. Didn't it?

A memory came into my head, this time when Jacob had come to see me after my return to Forks, to warn me of the treaty. His memories had been mine that night, and I had seen his beginning, how fast he had gained control of his new self. How even Sam had been impressed, how well he had kept himself together when he was taking care of Bella, even when he was only a few weeks old.

But if Jacob wasn't truly dangerous - because now, it seemed, I had no case for that - then there had to be another reason. One that didn't make me sound like the stereotypical authoritarian, the kind that forced their girlfriend to do exactly what they wanted, the kind who flipped out if they saw her with another boy, even just a friend? Was that really the only reason I wanted Bella away? Was I really that jealous? _Why are you willling to give yourself that chance but not Jacob? _Carlisle's words echoed in my mind.

"Do you really think I'm overprotective and controlling?" I asked my brothers, who were finally done fighting, mainly directing the question toward Jasper. He was much more likely to answer seriously.

Carlisle smiled.

Sure enough, Emmett's answer came back a split second later: _Hell, yes!_

Jasper took a little more time answering. I could hear the indecision in his thoughts. _Well, it is kind of excessive to have Alice hold her hostage_, he answered thoughtfully, no pun intended, _but I know you mean well. Still, to ban her from seeing the werewolf - he's really not dangerous to her. You know that. So I guess I'd have to say yes, Edward. Just stop worrying about her. She'll be fine. _

"You think I should let her see Jacob, though?" I asked doubtfully.

This time, Emmett was serious when he answered. _Edward, he really is _just a friend _to her. And if he anything happens - I don't trust him, and I'm sure you don't either - well, then, I'm always up for a little game of Let's Beat The Werewolves Up For Messing With Edward's Girlfriend._

I had to laugh at that. "Sounds like an interesting game, Emmett." Jasper looked annoyed again, but I ignored him. "But he's a _werewolf_!" I said, in one last desperate attempt to find a reasonable explanation for stopping Bella from seeing him.

_And? _Jasper asked. When I gave him an incredulous look, he continued _Well, I know that's huge to us, Edward. But we're not the ones who are going to be seeing him. To Bella, he's just another person. She sees any of us the same way she sees him. You shouldn't let your prejudices stop Bella from doing something she wants to do - you really shouldn't "let" her do anything. She's her own person, Edward. _

The nice thing about Jasper was that he was willing to put his personal prejudices aside to answer a question truthfully from a non-biased standpoint. Just like Carlisle.

"Thanks, Jasper," I told him sincerely.

But now I was left with a decision. Should I - could I - let Bella see Jacob? It sounded like the answer had to be yes. But... _oh, stop it_, I told myself. _No buts. Just do it and be done with it. Bella will be perfectly safe, and if Jacob does _anything _to her, well, then, _I thought grimly, _that'll be a good excuse to get him out of the picture altogether. _

With my new resolution becoming firmer in my ever-still heart every moment, I snapped out of my reverie and followed Emmett and Jasper, and Carlisle off into the woods.


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty-four hours later, we were running back to Emmett's Jeep.

_I call shotgun! _Jasper shouted in my head. I rolled my eyes. It had already been decided that Emmett would drive, after the ridiculously massive arguments we had gotten into on previous hunting trips. Now the rule was, if it was your car, you got to drive. Of course, this worked out in Emmett's favor most of the time, since it was usually his car we drove.

I climbed in the back with poor grace, and Emmett started the engine. Just then, my phone gave a loud, complaining _beep_! I picked it up, it read "3 unread messages".

I put the phone to my ear, went through the necessary procedures. The ever-so-calm, monotonous voice said, "First message:" and then Bella's voice came on. She sounded angry, and I could practically see her chin coming up obstinately and see her eyes flame. She was so _cute _ when she was angry.

"You are in trouble. Enormous trouble Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."

Emmett was shaking with laughter, and even Jasper let out a very un-Jasper-like snort.

I, however, didn't find the message funny; instead, it left me melancholy. Whatever I had meant by asking Alice to watch her, I hadn't meant for her to be angry at me. I had known she would be annoyed, of course, especially when it would mean she couldn't see Jacob - which was entirely the point - but in the message, she sounded truly upset and _furious_. The message only further strengthened my resolve to let Bella do what she wanted - it showed me that what I had done truly was not fair, and I was taking away her dignity, her pride, and her freedom by keeping her locked up.

Before I could reflect on it further - though the guilt would bite at me until I apologized to her for degrading her in such a way - the second message started.

"Edward, I'm really sorry, she went to go see Jacob. Jacob came during school, and I couldn't do anything in public. Surely you understand that - please don't be angry. And don't worry. She'll be fine. I don't need a vision to see that."

Alice's voice was pleading, filled with remorse - and yet my anger bubbled up at her anyway. How could she let Bella go see Jacob anyway - when the whole point of the babysitting was to stop that from happening in the first place? Though I had just spent the last moment berating myself for doing that to Bella, it suddenly seemed more than necessary as the flames of anger consumed my heart.

Jasper, feeling the anger, thought _Don't be angry at Alice, Edward. What did you want her to do? Stop Bella in public and risk exposing us all?_

_Besides_, Emmett pointed out, _you had just decided not to stop her from visiting the dog, so what's even the problem here? That she skipped school?_

"Don't be stupid," I snorted. "Of course that's not why."

_Then what is it?_

"It's - it's just - I'm not so angry at her, I guess, more at the dog. It was completely out of line."

_Not really._

That last from Jasper, still reading the anger pulsing out of me.

_Well, wouldn't you have done the same? _he questioned shrewdly. _If it was the other way around?_

"Of course I would, but -"

_There you have it._

"But - but -" I spluttered. "Alice!" I said, grasping at something I could justifiably direct my anger at. "Whether or not I was right in doing so, I specifically asked her -"

"Bribed her, you mean," interjected Emmett.

"-_whatever_, I bought her a car and everything so she would stop Bella from seeing Jacob - or vice versa!"

_But Edward, _thought Jasper, always defending Alice, _what did you want her to do? What cold she possibly have done that would have stopped him. Be angry at the dog if you must, but don't blame it on Alice. _

I thought about informing him that he had just told me not to be angry at the dog, but decided against it. I was sick of this conversation.

"Hey, weren't there three messages?" asked Emmett suddenly.

I realized that we had been talking so animatedly, we had completely missed the third message. I played it again. It was Alice.

"Edward, Bella's back, she's safe. I told you so. Don't do anything rash, just finish your weekend. I told you not to worry."

The relief that flooded through me was immeasurable. Bella was safe, she was back. With the flash of anger gone, it was easy to be remorseful once again. _If you hadn't done that to her in the first place, she probably wouldn't have run off, _I chided myself.

_There - are you happy now? _asked Emmett. _Bella's safe. Can we go now?_

I sighed and nodded. Emmett started the engine and started driving towards home, toward Bella.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've just realized that Carlisle went with Edward and Jasper and Emmett on the hunting trip, and now I feel stupid ****L. My apologies.**

When we reached home, it was late Friday night - about one-thirty.

I climbed out of the car, Emmett and Jasper shadowing. Emmett's thoughts were, as per usual, on Rosalie, and Jasper's weren't quite as graphic but still had the anticipatory undertone to them.

The bottom floor of the house was deserted except for Alice. The second we came in she was standing, talking very fast. "I'm sorry for letting her go see him, Edward, but she came home safe, didn't she? So really, there's no reason to be mad at all, right?" _Not to mention she didn't exactly have fun…you won't take the Porsche back, will you?_

"Don't be stupid, Alice," I told her. "Of course I won't take back your Porsche. And you're right, there's no reason to be mad, so I won't be." I didn't tell her about my decision. She'd find out soon enough.

Jasper was at her side then, and then they and Emmett were gone, ghosting up the stairs to their separate rooms. Usually, when we got home from these late-night hunting trips, I would be alone, left the night to peruse some ancient tome on psychology or medicine, or learn the fine points of German grammar.

For the first forty or so years of watching first Carlisle and Esme, then Rosalie and Emmett, and finally Alice and Jasper be so caught up in their lovesick ways, it didn't bother me at all. But for a while now, it had made my chest have a hollow sort of ache - one that I had no name or cure for. But now - now I could follow my brothers up the stairs with a sense of purpose - I, too, had someone to go home to now!

I dashed down the hall to my room, opening the door quietly and slipping inside. The light from the hall fell across her sleeping face, which, to my surprise, was not on the bed.

I stifled a laugh as I crossed the room and watched her face, angelic in sleeping. Her lips were slightly open, and her face was pale like moonlight, her eyelids a purplish lavender.

She was so beautiful it made my breath catch in my throat. Her scent assailed me, overpowering as always, but the burn was almost comforting now, familiar as reading a mind.

Talk about masochistic.

I had known she would be upset about the bed, about the amount of money it had cost, but that she would go to this extreme….it made me laugh.

Gently, I picked up her body, light as feather and carried her to the bed, pulling back the covers and laying her down, then tucking her in gently to her chin. Then I crossed to the other side and lay down next to her, resisting the urge to wrap my arms around her, afraid the movement might wake her up.

In a moment though, the consideration turned out to be unnecessary when she shifted drowsily and her eyes fluttered open, then closed again. She rolled over sleepily and was about to go back to sleep, when she suddenly rolled back over again. I knew she had realized that she wasn't on the couch, and that she was really awake.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I said quietly while she was getting her bearings.

I saw her body tense, and I waited on tenterhooks as well, for the anger that was sure to bombard me for what I had done. I waited for her to remember, for her to get over the first shock of being in a place she hadn't been when she had gone to sleep.

A few moments later, when she still hadn't said anything, I was confused.

Then she moved again, and I saw her hands reaching for me, searching, groping through the darkness… I brought my hands to hers and wrapped my arms around her. Her warm lips first started at my chin and moved up till she reached my lips.

Now I was very confused - where was the anger she had promised me? Where was the cold, proud countenance I had expected?

Not that I was complaining, but still - and then I realized what it was with a smile. It seemed so obvious I laughed at myself for not having seen it before. She was so awful at holding grudges, I should have realized that her anger must have drained away in the twenty-four hours since she had left the message.

I pulled away and laughed softly. "I was all braced for the wrath that would put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

**Sorry it's short, and it ends in kind of a weird place, but I wanted to post it and I couldn't find a better place in the near future to end the chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's been so long, I got kicked off the computer for two weeks. It depressed me.**

**Before I start this chapter, could I ask you to review? Please???? Because I've gotten over seventy visitors to this story, which I know isn't all that great, but as this is my first fanfic (actually posted, anyway), it makes me really happy. But for all of those people who read it, I've only had ONE review. So please, tell me if you like it! Anyway, here we go with Chapter 4: **

I could hear the smile in Bella's voice when she pressed her lips to mine again and said, "Give me a moment to work up to it." Her scent assailed me, pounding against my self-control again and again, slowly breaking away a piece of it each time until nothing was left but the monster, roaring to attack. I knew that I should stop this now, but my body seemed to have detached from my brain. It had waited an entire forty-eight hours without seeing her face, without touching her, and now it would satiate its hunger before succumbing to me again.

I locked my fingers into her loose hair flowing down her back, and my tone was heady when I murmured, "I'll wait as long as you want," and kissed her feverishly again.

Her breath started coming in gasps, louder than usual. It seemed especially magnified in the quiet darkness of the room. "Maybe in the morning."

"Whatever you prefer," I told her. How much I hoped her preference would be never! - but now it seemed like that would be case, as we were a few minutes into our reunion already and she had made no remark pertaining to my behavior. I would apologize for that in a moment, but I had more pressing matters to deal with - such as feeling her body under my hands.

"Welcome home," she whispered well I kissed her neck, right where her pulse pounded faster than usual. How easily I welcomed the pain - embraced it even! "I'm glad you came back."

_So am I_, I thought, but instead I said, "That's a very good thing."

Her arms tightened around me, and again my hand seemed to take on a mind of its own - ignoring all attempts of mine to stop it. _I can't do this! This is too much! _my mind screamed at me as my independent hand trailed its way to her calf and grabbed it, pulling it over my hip.

What was I doing? I didn't know myself. All I knew that it was pleasing Bella, whose breaths had suddenly stopped, then started again with shaky irregularity, and scaring myself. If I couldn't control my body's actions, how could I possibly control my teeth, ones that could sink themselves as easily into Bella as they could in the bed, with less time than it would take to stop myself?

Which reminded me….

"Not to bring the ire on prematurely, but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed you object to?"

The words were partly a distraction, to stop me from going farther than we had ever gone before, but instead they had the opposite effect: my body, now a stranger to me, pulled her on top of me. It had enough sense not to kiss her lips - maybe it knew that would have disastrous results - but instead her throat. My hands were against her warm, flushed cheeks. I could see her eyes, bright in the darkness.

When she didn't answer, I prompted her again. "The bed? I think it's nice."

The phrase 'the bed' brought another wave of lust upon me, as I thought about what beds were for - especially honeymoon beds.

Again acting without my permission, my body was on top of hers. Luckily, it held itself, hovering just enough above her so as not to crush her bones. Her heart accelerated in rhythm, increased in volume

"That's debatable," I said, in words that were not my own. "This would be difficult on a couch." What was I doing? Egging on my already too-enthusiastic body! Egging on Bella - who needed no encouragement as it was to go farther. She must be loving every moment of this - but confused, as well.

I very rarely opened my mouth while kissing Bella, but why should my carefully laid-out rules stop me tonight, when I had already broken every set boundary?

Sure enough, as I knew she would, Bella gasped out, "Did you change your mind?"

I had never specifically tabooed sex, but it must have seemed obvious that it would not be allowed. I thought it interesting word choice on her part, though.

Suddenly, I was back in control of my body with an almost frightening speed - the undeniable consequences of my actions were going to be bitter - stopping myself now, when I had given myself a perfect opening to continue.

With a sigh, I forced myself away from her and shattered her dreams in one moment. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like," I lied. "Don't get carried away." I found it an awful double standard to be chastising her for getting carried away when I had done so myself only a few moments earlier.

"Too late," she said to me, and then added as an afterthought, "And I like the bed."

"Good," I said, and I leaned down to her kiss her forehead, all the lust of the previous moments gone. Even her next comment didn't ignite it again.

"But I still think it's unnecessary. If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

I thought about pointing out that there was a point to sleeping in a bed rather than on a couch, even if you weren't with someone, but thought better of it. That would only lead to more discussions of why there couldn't be more than one person in the bed, though she knew that answer already. Best just to head it off at the beginning.

"For the hundredth time, Bella - it's too dangerous."

"I like danger," she pointed out.

Which, of course, brought back the memory of all the dangerous things she had done while I had been away - from visiting Jacob to riding her motorcycle. I opened my mouth to tell her this, but she spoke first.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous. I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days, and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

I didn't know how to respond to that, but I pushed her away, improvising when she spoke.

"What are you doing?"

"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you…"

"I can handle it." She tried to force her way back against my chest, and I, of course, let her. I wasn't in the mood for teasing. And now I had another apology to make, besides the first one.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression. I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice."

This presented the perfect opportunity to apologize ( "Maybe, but what wasn't nice was…."), and I took a deep breath to start, but I chickened out at the last minute. It wasn't that I wasn't sure I was completely sorry, it was just I didn't want to bring up the topic of conversation. It meant telling her certain a certain resolve, and it meant facing her fury.

"Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not. I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

Was there no rest? Could she not stop hounding me for a second? Couldn't she see that I barely had the strength to control my own body, much less say no to her? Of course, maybe that was the point… whatever the reason, I kept my tone light.

"That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes, I am."

I laughed darkly. If only she knew the real cause of the sexuality moments before… "You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that."

Here it was. Another opportunity. This time, I would go through with it. I steeled myself mentally. "Can _I _apologize?"

"For what?"

And here another question presented itself. Do I tell apologize for keeping her hostage first, or for not letting her see Jacob? I knew which would be easier….

"You were angry with me, remember?" I hedged.

"Oh, that."

Here we go….

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely _here_. I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."

"Didn't you find any mountain lions?" So she wasn't mad? At this part, anyway….

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea." My brain had linked itself back to her safety so many times in so many bizarre ways over the weekend it wasn't even funny. Like when Emmett had been draining a mountain lion, and I had had a sudden vision of last spring, when I had seen James bending over her in such a way…. The memory had made me shudder, which of course brought endless ribbing from Emmett.

"Yes," she said.

"I won't do it again," I promised.

"Okay. But slumber parties do have their advantages…_You _can hold me hostage any time you want."

I wondered if she even realized how many comments she made with suggestive content.

I sighed, wondering what the consequences would be like if I finally did what she wanted. Disastrous, no doubt.

"I may take you up on that."

"So is it my turn now?"

"Your turn?" To what?

"To apologize."

What could she possibly have to apologize for? Everything that had happened this weekend was the result of my judgment; therefore, it was my fault. It reminded me of Newton's Third Law of Motion. _For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. _Everything I did in her supposed best interest always backfired. Every time.

I was an idiot.

**There. That was longer, to make up for the last one.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hmm….this is the longest chapter yet. Sorry for the wait, again. I have the bad habit of writing more than one - a **__**lot **_**more than one - story at a time, and I get sidetracked. **

**Again, reviews are very, very welcome. The ratio of hits to reviews is 780:4. That means that for every 195 people that read this story, only ONE of them reviews. **

"What do you have to apologize for?" I asked, truly curious.

"Aren't you mad at me?" Her voice sounded just as surprised as mine did, like she actually expected I would be mad at her. Like I ever was…but I could see what she meant, considering how I had acted the last time. If only she knew it hadn't been her I was angry at….

No, I told myself, don't lie to yourself. It had been her I was angry at, in part at least.

Anyway, I wasn't angry at her now, in any case. I told her so.

I saw her forehead crumple as she said, "Didn't you see Alice when I got home?"

"Yes - why?"

"Are you going to take her Porsche back?"

Did they really have that low an opinion of me? That I would take back her Porsche just because she had let my girlfriend see her best friend? Again, the ridiculousness of what I had asked her to do pressed down on me. 

"Of course not. It was a gift."

"Don't you want to know what I did?" she demanded. I already knew, of course, unless there was something else. That worry suddenly smothered my thoughts for a moment. _Was _there something else?

"I'm always interested in everything you do - but you don't have to tell me unless you want to," I replied, working harder than I should have had to to control my sudden apprehension. 

"But I went to La Push." Yes, that was the part I knew.

"I know." When I heard her take another breath to begin speaking, my heart jumped into my throat.

"And I ditched school."

Relief washed over me as I replied, "So did I."

"Where did all this tolerance come from?" she asked, her fingers caressing my face.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Once I told her my decision, my resolution, there would be no going back. This was it. 

"I decided…that you were right. My problem was more about my…." here I hesitated. There were many things I had a problem with, which one should I use? My jealousy? "Prejudice against werewolves-" There. That summed it all up. "- then anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you." No matter how hard it might be.

"Wow," she murmured. 

For a moment, I felt like Jasper - I could practically feel her surprise and contentment rolling off her in waves. She pulled me closer, and I realized that she hadn't been this happy in a while. Mostly because of me. I swallowed as this new thought occurred to me. Had she been growing angry or tired of my behavior?

This new idea was so startling and terrifying that I added, "And…most importantly… I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us." And hopefully, what wedge there already was that I hadn't realized would be healed by this. 

She rested her head against my chest, and it struck me how easily my behavior influenced her emotions. I had the power to make her unhappy or happy. I swore to myself - as I had done before - that never again would she be unhappy because of me. This time, I would make sure it was true. 

Not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to have the answer, I said softly, "So…did you make plans to got back to La Push again soon?" 

She hesitated, and I felt her body tense against mine. Did she see through the causal pretense I had put up? Maybe she thought that I would be upset if she were to leave…

"Just so I can make my own plans," I assured her. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you." 

She paused again, and I waited with baited breath. 

"No, she said finally. "I don't have plans to go back."

Her voice sounded odd, like she was suppressing another emotion or trying to conceal something else. Maybe she was only saying that because she could tell that, no matter what I might say, I didn't really want her to go to La Push?

My earlier words still echoing in my head - "_I'm going to try and be more reasonable and trust your judgment_" - I said, "You don't have to do that for me."

I expected her to laugh and make some diplomatic comment like _"If you're sure…" _or _"I know, but…" _but her answer surprised me when she said, very quietly, "I don't think I'm welcome anymore." Her tone was what concerned me most - small and almost a whimper.

"Did you run over someone's cat?" I asked her, trying to keep her happy.

"No," she assured me, and then took a deep breath and said, "I thought Jacob would have realized… I didn't think it would surprise him."

I thought I had an idea of what she was talking about, but I let her continue.

"He wasn't expecting….that it was so soon."

So it was about her becoming a vampire, then. However, I thought that any cracks Jacob might make on the issue would be met with anger, not the hurt that she was so obviously feeling. I wondered what he said, and anger threatened to flare up in my chest. I kept it at bay while she continued after I gave her a murmur of understanding.

"He said he'd rather see me dead," she moaned, her voice cracking into a sob.

And then the anger washed over me, furious, merciless, and bloodthirsty. It wanted to kill Jacob, kill him slowly for saying that. I knew how important his reactions were to Bella, and while she and I both knew he wasn't going to jump up and down with joy at this news, well - this was crossing the line.

My resolution to let her continue seeing him wavered for one moment as the ire reached its peak. If he was capable of saying that to her, of getting that angry - for I knew that only in anger would he say that - well, how far was saying that to phasing? And if he phased, even on accident, with Bella standing near - that would make a fine excuse to kill him, I reasoned.

Before I could say that, I caught myself thinking the key word : _let_. Jasper's words came back to me from the hunting trip: _you really shouldn't "let" her do anything_. Who was I to say what she could and couldn't do? Even if her safety was on the line - which it wasn't. I tried desperately to convince myself using the same arguments from last time, but I couldn't recall what had made them so compelling.

I put these thoughts on hold and tried to concentrate on comforting her. That was what mattered now. I could stew about what the dog had done later.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured to her, my arms contracting gently. I could feel her figure shaking under me as she tried to hold back tears.

"I thought you'd be glad," she said as she regained control.

I tried to see her logic on that for a moment. Why would I be happy? Because she had fought with Jacob? Because she had no plans to see him again? That would have excited me, I had to admit, if she wasn't hurt in the process. As it was, I could find no pleasure in what had occurred.

"Glad over something that's hurt you? I don't think so, Bella."

She relaxed, but I could feel my body tense as I continued to dwell on what _he _had done. Didn't he realize how much that would hurt her? And if he did realize, he was okay with it?

The anger flooded through me, vicious and bitter, no matter how much I tried to restrain it. Bella was comforted, now I could kill him.

The thought stunned me as soon as it passed through my mind. _Kill him_? It wasn't like I hadn't thought - or, to more accurately put it - _fantasized _about it before, but really! The words he had spoken were cruel. That was true. Heartless, callous, hateful; those were all true, too. But did it really deserve a death sentence? It suddenly seemed to me that I was making a mountain out of a molehill. But the murderous rage, the desire to kill him, and kill him slowly, still reigned predominantly over everything else.

So it was really no wonder when Bella responded to the obvious tension and said, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I didn't want to tell her because it would probably anger her, and that was something I couldn't bear, not so soon after we had made up.

"You can tell me." Her voice was soft and unintentionally persuasive, and I quickly weighed the pros and cons. It might avoid another fight, if Bella decided to push the issue, and I did want to be truthful with her. There was only one con, really, and that was her reaction, which I could almost guarantee would be irritation. I knew how much she hated all the violent feelings.

The pros won out, I decided. I could assure her that I wasn't going to do anything to him, and that would pacify her. Hopefully.

"It might make you angry," I warned.

"I still want to know," she assured me.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then continued. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I _want _to."

I waited with baited breath, but to my surprise and delight, she laughed. Not a very enthusiastic laugh, but it was a step above irritation.

"I guess it's a good thing you have so much self-control."

"I could slip," I said, only half-joking.

I felt her struggle beside me as she said, "If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it." Inevitably, I tightened my arms around her waist, holding her back.

To tell the truth, it was getting kind of annoying, this constant badgering, but I didn't want to let it show. Besides, the way she kept finding ways to bring it up again was adorable. And wouldn't it be hypocritical to reprimand her about it when it was constantly on my mind, too?

So I sighed and said, "Must I always be the responsible one?"

"No. Let me be in charge of the responsibility for a few minutes - or hours."

The offer was very tempting, so tempting I almost hesitated, but I knew it couldn't be. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Wait - there was something else I wanted to ask you about," she said, and her voice became almost apprehensive.

"What's that?"

"I was talking to Rosalie last night," she began, then paused.

My dormant heart leaped into my throat. Of course I already knew of the conversation - her thoughts from Emmett's room as she waited for him had filled me in with all I needed to know - but the fact that she was talking about it with me had to mean something, didn't it? Had Rosalie's story made her have second thoughts? Or maybe her longing had triggered Bella's compassionate side, and she would wait it out a few more years?

"Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?"

She hesitated for a moment, probably unsure where to begin.

"She told me a little bit…about the time your family lived in Denali."

"Yes?" I couldn't imagine what she wanted to talk about that would begin with that, so my curiosity flared as I waited for her to reply.

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires….and you."

Rosalie couldn't keep her mouth shut, could she? One night alone with Bella and now she knew all about my thoroughly G exploits with Tanya? We had never even kissed!

"Don't worry, she told me you didn't…show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of _them _had. Shown a preference for you, I mean."

Yes, one of them had shown a preference. My mind flooded with the memories - all the flirting, the hair-tossing, the sidelong glances and coy smiles….

"Which one? Or was there more than one?" Bella pressed, a note of panic entering her voice.

I knew I should say something, break the silence and reassure her, but mind was still teeming with anger at Rosalie for sharing this. Bella's self-esteem was fragile enough as it was; she did not need to shrink it with wholly unnecessary rumors about my previous personal life. My nonexistent one, I should say.

"Alice will tell me," Bella finally said, growing impatient with my less-than-helpful answers. "I'll go ask her right now."

I tightened my arms again, having to concentrate more than usual not to do it too hard. She didn't need to go asking Alice about it - knowing her, she would exaggerate what had happened even worse than Rosalie. Besides, who knew what she and Jasper were getting up to.

"It's late. Besides, I think she stepped out," I lied. I worked hard to keep my tone casual, but I was fairly sure Bella saw through it.

"It's bad. It's really bad, isn't it?"

Bella's worried tone, mixed with the acceleration of her heart made me want to laugh; instead, I knew it was time to reassure her.

"Calm down, Bella," I told her. "You're being absurd." I kissed the round little tip of her nose to further prove this theory.

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. You're blowing this wildly out of proportion." But my silences had been too long and numerous for her to let it go now.

"Which one?"

I finally broke down, though I knew that this probably wouldn't satisfy her.

"Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story."

Like I knew she would, Bella didn't relax. "Tell me something - what does Tanya look like?"

I had forgotten they had never met. And it wouldn't help her self-confidence either to know that Tanya was the stereotypical blonde.

"Just like the rest of us - white skin, gold eyes."

"And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful," she finished for me.

"I suppose, to human eyes," he said. "You know what, though?"

"What?" she said, a little sulky.

"I prefer brunettes." The comment was made only to reassure her of my preference for her, but I realized too late that this revealed Tanya's hair color.

"She's a blonde. That figures."

"Strawberry blonde - not at all my type."

To distract her, I began kissing her again, not on the lips, but moving down her cheek to the hollow at her throat, then up to her ear, then back down again, before she finally responded.

"I _guess _that's okay, then," she told me, and I was pleased to see that the sulkiness had left her voice.

"Hmm….you're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable." And she was. Her lower lip was out in a pout, and her eyes flashed with an edge I had never seen before. It was amusing to see her annoyance portrayed in such a way, as it was so much less formidable then my own.

At my words, she frowned, and I decided to take evasive action. Besides, she would be exhausted in the morning, if I kept her up any later.

"It's late. Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

I wondered if I was overdoing it, but she relaxed as I began to hum her lullaby, and soon she had drifted to sleep. Her lips formed a perfect O, and her hands were up by her face clutching my T-shirt.

She was so beautiful when she slept.

**Only one more chapter to go! Yay! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Remember, I made the stupid mistake of forgetting to put Carlisle in the hunting trip in the first chapter, but for all intents and purposes he was there. So, he knows about the conversation Edward, Emmett, and Jasper had and Edward's decision.**

**On a different note, this is the last chapter! *cry* Especially because this was the first story I have ever posted, and now it's over. *cry*x2. So, because of that, I would really like to have more than 4 reviews on my first story. My goal is seven! That would make me very, very happy. And if I got ten whole reviews, I would be off the walls with ecstasy! You can do it! Just click the button! You know you want to!**

She woke up at about seven thirty the next morning. She did it slowly, her fingers loosening from their hold on my shirt as the light from the window shone on her face, making my arms sparkle lightly. She rolled over and yawned. Eyes still closed, she stretched, and I could hear her limbs pop.

Finally, her eyes opened and immediately they were searching, pupils flitting back and forth as she scanned the room. Finally, her eyes locked on me, and she broke into a smile. It was a very sleepy smile, and very adorable.

"Good morning," I said to her.

"Hi," she replied, stretching again. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven forty."

"What time did you get in?"

"Almost one."

One thing I had noticed about humans: they were so preoccupied with time! Did it really matter? Time would pass as it wanted to - what was the point of needing to know how much had gone by every five minutes?

"I'll let you get dressed, then we should probably get you home."

Her brow puckered. "Won't you come with me?"

"No, we're still hiking, remember? We'll get home about ten, don't worry."

Her forehead smoothed out, and she smiled again. "Good."

"I'll be downstairs. Come down for breakfast when you're ready," I told her, then slipped gracefully off the bed and out the door, closing it softly behind me.

I flashed down the stairs and sank into a chair in the dining room. I would get up in a moment to cook Bella breakfast, but for now I wanted to reflect upon my decision, the one there was no going back on now. And what to do about Jacob.

The downstairs was deserted; all the couples were in their respective rooms, doing things that made me close my eyes and try to think of other things. I would be glad when I would not have to listen to that anymore.

My concession was less drastic, now that Bella, it seemed, wouldn't be going back to La Push anytime soon. I had to admit to myself that this made me happy - whether or not I was tolerant of her visits, that didn't mean I wouldn't be sick with worry the entire time she was away, and the jealousy would be nearly as strong and battling for attention. I was happy I would not have to deal with that anymore.

But then again, maybe she would go to see him again, anyway. When had she ever held a grudge for more than a few days before? She would surely forgive him, soon, so that would mean the question would be if he would forgive her.

And then Jacob himself. His foolish, cruel words that had clearly hurt Bella deeply. I wanted to punish him, but what exactly could I do? As I had realized last night, death, no matter how much I might like to deliver to him, would surely be an overreaction. But what if Bella forgave him, but he still shunned her? How would Bella react then? Her temper would flare again, surely, and so would mine. Maybe then I would be allowed to do something to him.

Because, I suddenly realized, even if I did something as inconsequential as tell him off over the phone - she wouldn't want that. She would try to stop me, she would say that it wasn't that big a deal, that she was _fine._

That word was the bane of my existence.

So if Bella wouldn't want to me to punish him, then really I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to go against her wishes. Jacob was very lucky he had such a loving _friend_. Even in my mind, I emphasized the word. But we would see what would happen when Bella inevitably forgave him.

Suddenly, I heard the whisper of air as the door closed to my room and the light footsteps as Bella walked down the hall. I jumped up and went into the kitchen, taking out a frying pan and opening the nearly-empty utility-size fridge in less than a second. There was only enough food in it to keep the townspeople from becoming suspicious - after all, wouldn't someone noticed if a family of seven never went to the grocery store? I bit my lip for a moment, thinking about what to make her. I finally decided on eggs. It was simple, and quick.

When Bella padded softly into the kitchen, I was leaning impatiently against the counter, waiting for the stove to get hot. She stood beside me quietly for a moment, then said, "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked her. "Breakfast? No problem."

"No, not for breakfast. Well, thank you for that too, I guess. But thank you for listening to me. For letting me see Jacob again. I didn't really tell you that last night. I was too surprised, I guess."

I cracked two eggs into the pan and watched them sizzle for a moment before I answered.

"You're welcome. I guess it wasn't so much of a sacrifice in the end, though, was it? What with your argument and such."

She shook her head quickly, her eyes downcast as she stared fixedly at the countertop. I wondered if she was trying to hold back tears again. I wrapped my arms around her slim frame and pulled her tight against me. "I'm sorry he said that to you. Again."

"Why are you apologizing?" she mumbled into my shirt. "You're not the one who said it."

I didn't answer, just pulled her tighter. We stood there like that for a minute or two until a burning smell reached my nose. Bella hadn't noticed yet, with her face still against my chest and her human senses.

I pushed her away from me and "tch"ed as I inspected the eggs, now burned.

"Sorry," I said as I scraped them into the trash. "I'll make you more."

She laughed. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Not hungry."

There was that word again. I thought about arguing that she needed to eat, but at that moment, Alice bounded into the kitchen. I could hear Jasper coming in more slowly behind her. _Hi, Edward_, he thought.

"Hi, Bella, Edward!" Alice squealed.

"Alice," I regarded her calmly.

"Bella," said Alice, "I'm ready to take you home when you are. Just say the word."

Bella nodded absently, then glanced rather longingly at me. I laughed.

"Don't worry. I'll be there soon."

"Okay," she said slowly. "I guess I'm ready to go, Alice. I'll go get my stuff."

"Don't bother, I can get it. Just go to the car." _Bye, Edward, _she thought as she bounded out the door. Bella turned to me.

"I'll see you in a while, I guess." She smiled tentatively and turned to go, but I caught her arm, turned her around, and pressed my lips to hers with a ferocity that startled me. _Calm down_, I told myself. _Be careful. _

After only a moment or two, I pulled away and Bella's shoulders drooped. I pulled her chin up with one finger and smiled. "Go with Alice. And I'll see you in a few hours."

She smiled back, turned away, and walked out of the kitchen. "Love you," she called her over her shoulder, and my returned "Love you too," wasn't a knee-jerk reaction. Every syllable throbbed with truth.

I sat at the table, content just to be alone for a moment. I was trying to keep out of Carlisle and Esme's heads as much as was possible, as they were still in their room, so it sort of caught me by surprise when I heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs. Esme.

She came into the kitchen with the intent of finding me there; a soft smile lit up her face when she saw me sitting alone.

_Where's Bella?_

"She already left."

_Carlisle told me about what you did._

I liked that about Esme; she didn't ask questions, she used statements and left the discussion up to us.

"And did you agree?"

_Yes. You know she'll be safe, Edward._

"I know. I guess, if I were to be completely honest, I knew that all along. It's just…hard. Hard letting her walk away from me, to a place where I can't protect her, even if she _is_ safe. Hard knowing that, if I had just protected her all along, she wouldn't have to go there in the first place. And hard realizing that he's in love with her, that he would do whatever it takes to get her away from me for good. It's just _hard_." My voice cracked at the end. I marveled at how much easier it was to be more honest with Esme. I hadn't told any of this to Jasper or Emmett.

Esme's expression grew sympathetic; her eyes were full of compassion. _I can only guess at how you feel, Edward, because I've never been in a situation like that. But that you were able to put all those worries, all those feelings aside for Bella's sake, that truly shows you love her. Shows it more than anything else you could possibly do. And don't worry. You're her universe. Nothing Jacob can do will ever change that. And knowing that Jacob loves her should be a _comfort_, Edward. That shows he will never intentionally do anything to hurt her. He can protect her as well as you can. _

I didn't answer for a moment. Everything she had thought was true, yet - it just seemed like it should be _me _protecting her - it wasn't Jacob's job, it wasn't his right. It was irrational, maybe even a little conceited, but I couldn't change the way I thought.

I put my head in my hands and whispered out from under them, my voice muffled, "You're right, but - oh, this is hard to put into words - it just doesn't seem….doesn't seem _right_. Do you know what I mean?"

_Yes_, came Esme's reply, and I peeked up at her with relief. _Edward, I am proud of you. So proud. It was a very good thing you did for her. I don't think Bella realizes - or will ever realize - how hard it was for you. To put away all your fears and worries and prejudices and let her see Jacob. I _know _you're not controlling, Edward, no matter what your brothers might say. You just try very hard - and do an exceptional job at it, I might add, whether or not _you _think so - to protect her. All you have to do is realize that she doesn't need quite so much of it. She's not as breakable as you think, Edward._

Those words struck a bell - they were very similar to what Jacob had said to me that day in the parking lot - _She's tougher than you think. _Both he and Esme were probably right.

"Thank you, Esme," I murmured. "For talking with me. For listening - for _understanding."_

_Isn't that what mothers are for?_

"Yes. And you do an exemplary job, Mom."

She beamed with pleasure as I called her what I - we- so rarely did.

We sat there in companionable silence for a minute or two, then I stood up and said, "Thank you again, Esme," and dashed up the stairs to my room to return it back to normal.

So Bella would continue to see Jacob, once their spat was over. I would be tolerant - but just barely - about it. And if all else failed, we could always play Emmett's suggested game: Let's Beat Up the Werewolves For Messing With Edward's Girlfriend.

**Well, it's over. Hope you enjoyed it! Review, please! **

**Also, as I was reading over the breakfast scene and I realized how much it was like the scene at Isle Esme. It was not intentional.**

'**Member, my goal is seven reviews! **


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